Holy in the Daily

Blog posts to help women over 50 face their challenges with clarity, confidence, and resilience.


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Who is driving your car?

One of the most fun and exciting ways I’ve helped coach my clients is to have them tell me their dreams—the kind you have when you’re asleep.

Dreams are important. They are one of the ways God spoke to His people in the Scriptures. And, as far as I know, He hasn’t stopped speaking to people in dreams.

For example, sometimes a person tells me they had a dream where they were riding in their car, but as a passenger, not the driver. This is a common dream.

Asking who is driving the car tells me a lot about this dreamer

It indicates who is in control of her life.

If the driver is the Lord, awesome! (That dream doesn’t happen often.)

Usually, the driver is a negative authority figure from the person’s past, such as a domineering father or mother, an abusive ex, or a controlling pastor or teacher.

The driver could be someone living or dead. It might be someone she hasn’t been in touch with in years, but there they are… driving her car.

So I ask what emotion she associates with that person.

It’s usually fear, shame, insecurity or inadequacy.


We’ve just found a primary emotion that is often dictating the way she navigates life.

Fear, shame, insecurity, and inadequacy all cause us to avoid risk, stop being vulnerable, control people and the situations around us so we have some semblance of safety, and leave little room for God to move in our circumstances.

Once she recognizes this, I can deal with it during our coaching sessions.

All of us have negative emotions that mess with the view God wants us to have of our life and the way we live it.

  • Your kids move far away from you, so you complain about all the missed holidays instead of the many creative ways you can connect with them and make new memories.
  • You have to downsize to an apartment or assisted living, so you focus on what you can’t take with you instead of the new friends you’ll find and new opportunities you’ll have to share about Jesus.
  • You aren’t able to travel like so many of your friends, so you wallow in self-pity and miss the opportunity to see your city through the eyes of a tourist.
  • Your divorce left you tight financially, so you feel bitter rather than free to live a simple life.

Did you notice who is in control in these situations?

There are positive emotions that you can choose to replace the negative ones.

So often it’s simply choosing the right emotion and then visualizing Jesus in the driver’s seat that can change your perspective.

Go ahead…

…imagine the Lord sitting behind the steering wheel and navigating your negative situation.

  • What emotion is now coloring the view you have of your circumstances?
  • What song is the Lord singing as He drives?
  • What is He laughing at?

Such a simple exercise, yet it can change how we navigate any situation.

Click below for more on this topic:

How to Get Rid of Shame for Good

Wounded Storyteller or Victim?

4 Scripts to Base Your Life On

How to Feel Good About Yourself and Stop Feeling Like the Scum of the Earth

Let’s change who is in control of your life, shall we?



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