Confession time here… I occasionally feel like a duck out of water when talking with my kids. Teenagers don’t always want Mom’s input, and I sometimes have to gauge moods and timing even now that they’re adults.
And it isn’t just my kids; it can be with anyone I love and want to connect with, especially if I want them to see Jesus in me, which is, of course, all the time.
To me, connection means laughter, casual chats, and deeper conversations where they believe I’ve listened and heard their struggles.
I want those I love to leave a conversation they’ve had with me feeling validated, loved, and encouraged.
So they’ll come back for more.
(To be honest, I want that for anyone I have a conversation with.)
Ever feel that way?
Yep, I thought you might.
So I compiled 33 questions to get the ball rolling the next time you want to connect with the people you love.
Use them as conversation starters, during a pause while you’re chatting over coffee, or when the question fits the mood of the moment.
Let them be the lead into story telling, laughter, maybe a few tears, and deep moments of just listening.
Here’s the secret sauce
After you ask and listen to the answer to ONE of these connecting questions, follow it up with one of these 3 questions:
- Tell me about it?
- Why do you think so?
- How do you know?
These are deeper listening questions, because listening communicates love, validation, acceptance, and commitment—important feelings to nurture in others.
Really try to hear the story-behind-the-story.
In the process you’ll discover anew the person you love.
And they’ll discover you—and your faith.
Connecting questions for your next amazing conversation
1. What’s been going on in your life that you’ve been itching to tell someone?
2. What’s one childhood memory that makes you laugh so hard you snort every time you think of it?
3. Do you believe that everyone needs forgiveness?
4. What’s your biggest struggle at school/your job?
5. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given and who gave it to you?
6. Do you think you’re living at 100% of your potential? Why or Why not?
7. What’s one question you would like to ask God?
8. What are you most grateful for in your life now?
9. Have you ever met someone who was really evil?
10. What is one thing you truly know about Jesus?
11. If you could choose your own life struggles, would you choose the ones you have?
12. Have you ever heard the Lord speak directly to you?
13. What does a perfect day off look like for you?
14. What do you think is God’s attitude towards you?
15. If you could give your 18-year old self one piece of advice, what would it be?
16. What’s the best thing that’s happened to you lately?
17. What’s the hardest thing you ever had to do?
18. Has there ever been a time when God has rescued you from immediate danger?
19. When have you really had fun “storming the castle?”
20. What is one thing you would like to see improved in your relationship with the Lord?
21. What is something you appreciate about your childhood?
22. If you could do one thing over in life, what would it be?
23. What makes you laugh hysterically?
24. What are you the most discouraged about when you think of the Lord connecting with your life?
25. When have you felt most loved by God?
26. What is one piece of advice that people seek you out for counsel on?
27. What scares the bejeebers out of you?
28. How do you deal with discouraging thoughts that gobble up your energy and thinking time?
29. What is the most valuable thing you have learned from your mother or father?
30. How do you normally handle feelings of guilt?
31. What do you appreciate most about your relationship with the Lord?
32. What do you want your kids to remember and value about you the most?
And, of course… 33. What can I pray for you about?
Now… go have an awesome conversation!
This Post Has 9 Comments
Love these questions! And I love posts like these, organized, thoughtful, and helpful. Very pretty blog design, too, by the way. 😉
Thanks, Hannah. So glad you found the questions helpful. And thanks leaving a note too. It’s always nice to get notes. 🙂
I love these conversation starters! Thank you so much for sharing these with us all. I’ve always used, “tell me about it” after my kids share with me their artwork. It saves so much pain if I can’t exactly recognize their creation!
Good compilation 🙂
I love these conversation starters! I am printing them out to use with the 4 young women/wives/moms I’ll be meeting with monthly. And, as my grandblessings are entering their teens, I’ll have questions to ask that make them feel validated. Thanks, Susan!
ps. for whatever reason, I’ve not been getting your blog through email. I’ve subscribed to it here on Facebook.
Thank you Susan for inspiring me to become a better listener. As a pastor, I have lots of opportunities to affirm and love people through my ears/heart!
Glad you found it helpful, Fr. Nate. “Opportunities to affirm and love people through my ears/heart!”… perfect wording for all of us. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for posting these questions. Because I know I won’t remember them when I need them, I wrote them out on yellow index cards and am keeping them in a sandwich bag in my purse. (I know, I’m old). I think I will be using them soon with my Costa Rican ladies Bible study group. It should be fun and insightful. God bless you my friend.
What a perfect group to get a discussion going with these questions, Deborah. And the index card idea is perfect for those of us who are a little older now. Enjoy your insightful conversations! 🙂