Do ever feel lonely and need a friend? Do you ever think you want to exit a party as soon as you walk in because you don’t know anyone?
Although I’m not sure you can “make” anyone do anything, Dale Carnegie shares six tips that will make people like you. They sound like the extended version of Proverbs 18:24: “A man who has friends must himself be friendly.”
Six Tips That Will Make People Like You
(My humble comments are in parentheses.)
Rule 1: Become genuinely interested in other people. (Get out of your comfort zone and ask the person about their life: hobbies, job, kids, favorite book, or what kind of dog they have. Find out what gets them excited about life.)
Rule 2: Smile. (Ouch! Ask my friends–I often don’t realize that my face is not in smile-mode.)
Rule 3: Remember that a person’s name is to him or her the sweetest and most important sound. (Repeating his or her name several times during the conversation will help you remember it and also give validation to your new friend.)
Rule 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. (Ask the “who, what, why, when, and where” questions like a favorite cousin would–not like your mother might.)
Rule 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests. (Once you know what gets a person excited about life, linger there–become a learner.)
Rule 6: Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely. (Give your undivided attention by looking your friend in the eyes, avoiding distractions, repeating his or her name at appropriate times, and give positive feed back on the topics shared.)
Sounds easy, but these six rules are difficult to remember when you are feeling shy. Try them for a few days at work and let me know if your relationships improve. Hey, you might even get a raise!
By the way, do you have a rule that endears you to folks? Care to share it with us?
In Him together, Susan Gaddis
This Post Has 9 Comments
Ron and I made a point of working on these points from Dale Carnegie years ago. The big problem we have functioning in this mode of asking people about themselves, lingering, listening, etc., is that most people really like to talk about themselves, and we spend most of our time listening to more than we desire to hear! HAHAHA But, hey, they really like us! LOL!
That’s funny, Char! Now I know why you are so popular. By the way, did I ever tell you about the time I . . . ? 🙂
Is that why people ‘like’ me so much?????? KIDDING!!!
But I DID go through the Dale Carnegie Course a long time ago in Hong Kong. I took it to help me with the public speaking aspect of the programme, but I learned SO MUCH more!!!!
All the points you mention from the course are truly ‘enhancing’ to any one’s personalty!
REALLY enjoyed the experience, even if it was very uncomfortable!!! Reason being that it was dealing with things I WASN’T good at!!! AND the one thing that DIDN’T work was helping me to remember people’s names….that’s a lost cause I’m afraid!!!!
But I did retain a lot of what was taught, which is as good as it gets…….AND I took it with me and am STILL working on the points you mention!!!
A work in progress…isn’t that what we are???<3<3<3
….sorry, the hearts thingy didn’t work!!!!!
As a former journalist I (Jenni) had to hone the art of The Interview. Along the way I realized that as my interview skills increased, people seemed to like me more. When my kids began confronting socially awkward situations, I taught them to interview people, allowing one question to lead to another and another! They marvelled at the results.
Thanks for your post!
Great testimony, Moria. My son got me into the books, but I would love to take the course someday. I have a hard time with remembering names. Usually I can remember the first letter of a name, but can’t remember the whole thing. Go figure.
What a wonderful suggestion, Jenni. I have never thought of the skill of interviewing as being a tool in friendships. Thanks for adding some meat to the bones of my post.
Very practical — and helpful — amplification of Carnegie’s principles! Thanks, Susan!
One “rule” I like to use whenever I notice a new person at church or somewhere else where I am among friends is to take the initiative to introduce myself and make the person feel welcome. And while I don’t apply this “rule” perfectly and certainly don’t notice every new person, I do my best because I think it’s so important. It isn’t really that hard to do, either — even for those of us who tend to be shy — if we just put ourselves in the other person’s place and think about how we would feel to be the new person in the group. Once we do that, it becomes much easier.
I know I always appreciate it when someone takes the time to introduce themselves when I am in a new situation. You did that for me this last weekend, Jeanne, and I so appreciated it. Being sensitive to visitors should be a “rule” for each of us who follow Christ and want to be “Jesus with skin on” to other people. Your explanation is so helpful. Thank you for sharing it.
I was more than happy to do it, Susan, as much because it was a pleasure meeting you as for the reason mentioned above. It usually does take one person in a group to break the ice though, and I guess I thought, “Why shouldn’t that person be me?” (That’s probably a question I should ask myself a lot more often about many things.) So glad to have played a part in helping you feel a little more at home with us.