To continue our theme of peace in the midst of outer turmoil this week, I’m delighted to introduce Linda Wilson as my first guest blogger at Holy in the Daily. Linda has been struggling with cancer for some time and her growth in Jesus continues to amaze me. She and her husband, Rich, pastor a Third Day church in San Luis Obispo, California. Linda is known for her humor, compassion, and artful soul. Welcome Linda!
The old joke goes like this: A man falls off a cliff and part way down grabs a piece of bush hanging there and he looks up at the sky and yells, “God, help me!” God replies, “let go and I’ll catch you!” The man thinks about it for a minute and then yells, “Is anybody else up there?”
This has been the hardest season of my life. The first couple of times I had cancer I didn’t look or really feel like I had it, so it was easy to journey right on through. This time I both look and feel like I have cancer and it is not easy. I have physical pain and have lost a lot of weight—which is a heck of a way to diet. I am still believing God’s promises to me and will stand by them for He is not a liar or a trickster, but I have to confess that I have cried more in the last few months than I have my entire life—crying over nothing and crying over everything. It has been really cathartic.
I was talking to a friend last week when I felt like God told me I had finally let go of the rope. We all have ropes we hang on to. These ropes are made of multi-strands of different things. I wove mine together as a child as I learned to protect my self from pain.
My rope was made of control, manipulation, denial, self-centeredness, self-reliance and fear of intimacy—just to name a few. All those things protected me as a child and kept the pain of loss from killing me. They felt like a nice little box I could hide in, but as an adult, the box became a prison which kept me from trusting the very One I could trust the most.
This season has been about me learning I could trust Him. This isn’t like a theory or a belief, but something deeper—an experience.
I realized I was no longer trying to control every little thing like my cancer treatments (a biggie, since I had made all my own choices before, based on what iI believed He was telling me – but still my choice to micro manage). Since I let go and faced my fear I no longer do that.
I have let go of everything except Him. I have fallen into the arms of a loving Father and it is a wonderfully peaceful place.
I know I couldn’t have let go of my rope if He hadn’t loved me as He has. The Word says we love Him because He first loved us! He has done it all. I did nothing to contribute to being in this place. That is amazing to me. I realize I can trust Who He is, not just what He says. It was not being able to trust Him that kept me in the prison—kept me hanging onto the rope. It is the not being sure He loves us that keeps us from completely letting go and trusting Him.
So now I rest in His arms and feel His love and I don’t care what happens to me. He is my Papa and will take care of me. I don’t have to take care of myself any longer—no more need for self-protection or self-preservation. He is more than enough. I feel like one of the lilies in the field or a tiny sparrow. I am dependent on Him now for my every need.
I can’t emphasize enough how I did not make this happen. That is the wonder of it all. One day I just felt His great love for me break through and that was all it took.
So my prayer is for those I love who are still holding onto the rope. I pray that His love will break through and you will know how special you are, how loved you are, and that you will be able to let go with a KOWABUNGA and fall into the arms of your loving Papa. —Linda Wilson
What is your rope made of? In what ways are you learning to “let go of the rope?” Please share this post with those you know who struggle with cancer, and click on “comments” below to share your thoughts with us.
In Him together, Susan Gaddis